Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child Making Sense of the Past

Subjects:

• Psychology » Child Psychology
• Psychology » Adolescent Psychology
• Family Resources » Adoption

Awards:

• North American Resource Center for Child Welfare's, Pro Humanitate Medal, 2000

Reviews:

• [A] clear and helpful guide for parents and others who work with adopted children. How to gather information about the birth family and how to present that information to a child in age-appropriate increments are lucidly explained. Suggested techniques are detailed and explicit, taking into careful consideration the life stage of the adopted child, including adolescence. Each chapter concludes with questions for readers so they may apply information to their specific case--a helpful device. This excellent book deserves a place in public libraries because it advocates a constant policy of truth to remove the vestiges of shame and secrecy from adoption.
  —Library Journal
• This well written book would be a fantastic resource to any adoptive or foster parent considering whether to, or how to, tell their child about their early history.
  —Youth In Mind November 2007

• Endorsement From Madelyn Freudlich
  Executive Director
  The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute: Beautifully assists adoptive and foster parents in unraveling the mysteries that can cause so much pain for adopted persons--as children, adolescents and adults--and their families. With sensitivity and remarkable insight, Keefer and Schooler skillfully tackle the hard issues with which foster and adoptive parents struggle in deciding to tell and telling their children their true histories. It is an indispensable resource, combining a rich understanding of the psychological complexities of adoption with straight-forward guidance that foster and adoptive parents will treasure.
• Endorsement From Betsie Norris
  Executive Director
  Adoption Network: There is a great need for this book and I feel the authors do a wonderful job of giving clear guidelines and examples that adoptive parents can follow to explain even the most difficult of adoption-related circumstances to their children. This book gives parents the concrete tools they need to share information openly and honestly in words their children can understand. Adoption has gone through such a transition over the past 10 to 20 years, and the situations that the children are coming from is often so much more complex, parents need this type of guidance and support. For adoptees, accurate information and facts about themselves and their past are critical, this book gives parents the input and direction they need to build healthy communication and relationships. The authors have given a great gift to the adoption community--this book is a must read for all adoptive parents.
• Endorsement From Gregory C.Keck
  Psychologist
  Founder/Director of the Attachment of the Bonding Center of Ohio
  Coauthor of Adopting the Hurt Child: Finally, a book which talks about telling adoptive children the WHOLE truth! Keefer and Schooler do an excellent job of presenting just why the truth--with all of its details--can help heal the hurt child. Adoptive families will find this book helpful as they struggle with how to share the good, the bad, and the ugly with their children. It will help them avoid deceiving their child about his or her past. A must read for parents of traumatized children.

Table of Contents:

• Preface
• The Power of Secrets on Family Relationships
• Truth or Consequences: A Great Debate
• Just the Facts, Ma'am: Why do Children Need Them?
• A Fact-Finding Mission: How to Gather What You Need to Know
• Adoption Through a Child's Eyes: Developmental Stages
• Through a Parent's Eyes: Core Issues, Coping Styles, and Communication
• The Ten Commandments of Telling: Principles to Consider
• Sharing the Hard Stuff: The Adoptive Parent's Challenge
• Tools of Communication Between Parents and Children
• Transracial or Transcultural Adoption: Talking About Adoption Within a Minority Families
• Kinship Foster Care and Adoption: Telling the Truth When It's "All in the Family"
• Opening a Closed Adoption for School-Age Children: Questions Most Asked by Parents
• Adolescence--Chronic but Not Terminal: Keeping Lines of Communications Open
• Opening a Closed Adoption--The Teenage Years
• Communicating about Adoption in the Classroom: Teaching the Teachers
• Epilogue
• Bibliography
• Index